Therapy, Parenting, Children Lois Nightingale Therapy, Parenting, Children Lois Nightingale

Model How to Cope with Stress for Your Children

What are you teaching your children in difficult times?

Children remember what parents modeled during times of stress. These unspoken lessons often become the unconscious habits they resort to as adults when encountering unexpected emotional blows.

You might even notice in yourself that in times of great stress you revert to those annoying coping skills once used in front of you by your own parents. Multi-generational habits are hard to break, but it is possible.

To model the skills you would like to make available to your children in tough situations you must pay attention to your reactions and view them through the eyes of your child. What might seem a very reasonable response to you as an adult, viewing the larger picture, may seem very frightening or confusing to a child. Children react to anger with fearfulness  but interpret humor and playfulness as safety.

Tips for Modeling Stress Management for Your Children

  1. Say things you are grateful for daily out loud in front of your children.

  2. Speak about the future with hopefulness.

  3. Tell stories about times you or your family has overcome adversity.

  4. Let your children know how lucky you feel to have them.

  5. Compliment yourself in front of your children for accomplishing things that were

  6. Teach and model your spiritual beliefs.

  7. Teach your children the excitement of doing things that are not driven by commercialism, i.e. being in nature, participating in creativity, contributing to those less fortunate, and activities that foster closeness and playfulness such as games or looking through photo albums.

  8. Spend time with positive friends so your children get to be with you rejuvenated after you have vented to adult peers.

  9. Help kids see the opportunity in challenges. Model this.

  10. Express genuine curiosity about their lives.

  11. Laugh out loud with them every day.

  12. Do physical activities with them like walking, basketball, tennis, swimming, etc.

  13. Eat dinner together and talk about positive things (not what you want them to change).

  14. Make bedtime a fun calm time where you share stories, feelings and events of the day.

It doesn’t cost much to make lasting memories

Free things to do with kids:

  1. Draw chalk pictures of events in your child’s life on  cement outdoors (let them help).

  2. Watch planes take off at a small airport.

  3. Go to a train station, count the the trains that stop.

  4. Visit a local Nature Center (Oak Canyon, Anaheim Hills).

  5. Take your teen to a music store; learn about “their music”.

  6. Make cornstarch “goo” (box of cornstarch & cup of water).

  7. Make up fantasy fairy tales (take turns telling the next sentence of the story).

  8. Go through old photo albums together, share stories.

  9. Feed ducks at a park.

  10. Eat dinner outside on a blanket.

  11. Read books together, use silly voices.

  12. Make an ant farm.

  13. Blow bubbles together.

A hundred years from now the memories you made with a child will still matter.

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Anxiety, Therapy Lois Nightingale Anxiety, Therapy Lois Nightingale

Anxiety Can Get Better

40 million people suffer from some form of anxiety every year in the US. This includes Panic attacks, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Agoraphobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and Phobias, including test-taking phobias, driving phobias and Separation Anxiety in children. In therapy, clients can learn relaxation skills to address the “fight or flight” reaction and coping strategies to overcoming anxiety.

Anxiety Books

The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do…by Wehrenberg

When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life, by Burns

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, by Bourne

What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids), by Huebner and Matthews

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry… by. Forsythand, Eifert

The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry, by Schab

Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries, and Phobias… by Chansky

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, by Burns

The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do..by Wehrenberg

When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life, by Burns

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, by Bourne

What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids), by Huebner and Matthews

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry… by. Forsythand, Eifert

The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry, by Schab

Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries, and Phobias… by Chansky

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, by Burns

Easy to use stress reduction strategies

Aps for your phone:

Meditation Timer & Tracker

Relax Melodies – Free

Anxiety Free – Free

Breathe2Relax – Free

Qi Gong Meditation Relaxation – Free

Nature Sounds Relanxiety3ax and Sleep-Free

Worry Box—Anxiety Self-Help-Free

Stop Panic & Anxiety Self-Help-Free

Relax & Rest Guided Meditations by Meditation Oasis

Universal Breathing by Saagara-Free

Easy Breathing Techniques:

1. Re-lax: Take 5-10 min. and breathe in slowly, saying silently to yourself “Re” and slowly exhale saying “Lax”.

2. Breathe in through your nose deeply (starting with your abdomen) to the count of 4. Hold your breath for 4 counts and then slowly exhale through your mouth for 4 counts. Repeat 10-20 times.

3. Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth (it stays there throughout this exercise). Breathe in through your nose for the count of 4. Hold for the count of 7. Exhale through your mouth around your tongue (it should make a noise) to the count of 8. Repeat 10 times.

Dr. Lois Nightingale, Psychologist, PSY9503 714-993-5343

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