Coping with Holiday Stress and Depression
Most people believe the holidays are supposed to be a time of joyous celebration where family members who haven’t seen each other recently get together to praise and acknowledge each others’ accomplishments over the past year. Many people would respond with, “Yeah right.”
For many people the holidays bring out their worst concerns. They may reflect on their “failures” of the past or worry about loneliness. They may have financial worries that place a shadow over any excitement or anticipation those around them may have.
For those who find the holidays less than “storybook perfect”, there may be a risk of the “Holiday Blues”. This type of stress and depression can be caused from holding unrealistic expectations, wanting everything to be perfect or isolating altogether. A sense of cynicism can come from a focus on the over- commercialization or an inability to spend the holidays with loved ones.
The symptoms of the “Holiday Blues” are much like those of other types of stress and depression. Symptoms may include poor concentration, disturbances in eating (too much or very infrequently), drinking too much, difficulty sleeping or wanting to spend all day in bed, irritability, low frustration tolerance, and agitation. Physical signs of stress may also be present such as, stomachaches, headaches, back problems, digestive problems, jaw tightness and physical fatigue.
Even though many people with the “Holiday Blues” experience these feelings during the holiday season, some sufferers can be greatly affected by a post- holiday let down after January 1. These later reactions can be due to fatigue, emotional disappointments of the preceding months and residual financial stress.
There are many practical things anyone with a predisposition to the “Holiday Blues” can do to minimize its effects. Remember that the action one takes to prevent feeling stressed and depressed takes less effort than to try later to pull oneself out of feeling down and miserable.
Give yourself the right to enjoy the holidays as you wish. Try to let go of high expectations and wanting everything to be perfect. Allow yourself to participate in the aspects of the holiday, which have meaning for you and try to let go of anyone’s “shoulds”. Allow yourself to be a little “crazy”. Have some fun and let go of how everything “must” look, including yourself.
Organize your time. Take 10-15 minutes each morning to plan out what your day will look like. Don’t leave things until the last minute. Make lists and plan out how you wish to spend your time. Don’t spend all your time planning for just one event (an office party or Christmas dinner, etc.).
Try something different, especially if this is the first holiday after a significant loss (death of a loved one, loss of home or job, children growing up, or a divorce). Spend the holiday in a different location or celebrating with different people than usual.
Find the specialness and uniqueness in THIS holiday season. Don’t compare it with the past. Life moves forward not backwards. Each holiday season is different and these are the “good old days” you will look back on in a few years.
Spend time with people who accept and love you unconditionally. These may not be biological family. Often our chosen family members are able to accept us more unconditionally. Surround yourself with encouragement and support.
Take care of yourself physically. Don’t drink too much (alcohol is a depressant). Exercise, it will help with all the holiday goodies you want to enjoy. Get outdoors. As the days shorten and less daylight hours are available many people become depressed from insufficient light. Go for walks, eat your lunch outside. Drink lots of water.
Do something for someone else. There is no faster way to get out of a “funk” than to help someone else feel better. Make a gift for someone. Give a gift anonymously. Help out at a soup kitchen, church or temple charity project, local hospital or retirement home, or homeless shelter. Focus on people rather than things. Give “love coupons” good for making a favorite meal, or a walk in the woods, or a visit to a museum or art festival.
Spend time doing low cost or free things. Too often the holidays are focused on consumerism. There are many holiday displays that are free to visit and participate in. Children love to drive around at night and look at lights or visit large hotel lobbies decorated for the holidays.
Remember the significance of this time of year that is important to you. Find a way to celebrate that aspect of the holiday, whether with a group or alone with a personalized ceremony. This is a special time of year and beneath the fear and cynicism, almost everyone has some warm attachment to some aspect of the winter season.
Give yourself the gift of letting go of past resentments. It has been said, “resentment is a poison we take hoping that it will harm another.” Forgive, if only for the holidays or only a part of the remembered betrayal. Release someone from indebtedness for past mistakes. Do this not for them but for your own peace and serenity this holiday season.
If you or someone you care about is having a particularly difficult time with holiday stress or depression, there is help and support available. If you would like more information please call 714-993-5343.
15 Important Ways to Fight Depression at Home
Remember that feeling sad or experiencing grief is normal under unpredictable and potentially dangerous situations. Social distancing and coping with the fallout of a pandemic will cause uncomfortable feelings in most everyone. If you are able to look forward to better times and can find some in each day, your emotional discomfort may very well be within normal limits.
Acknowledge that depression and isolation feed on each other. When people are depressed, they tend to put less effort into connecting to others. When people are isolated, they tend to feel more depressed. It can become a vicious cycle. Those who have been struggling with depression before the social isolation imposed by the COVID-19 crisis, need to be extra vigilant and work at staying ahead of their depression.
Think about a difficult time you have already been through. Remember that you got through it. It did come to an end. And you still have the coping skills and strength you used back then inside you. Write a letter to yourself complimenting yourself for getting through that difficult time. Outline the strengths and courage you used then. Assure yourself that you will ride out this difficult circumstance as well.
Let someone know you are struggling. Tell a good friend, a relative, your doctor, call a warmline or NAMI or a therapist. Don’t suffer alone, reach out, there are many, many people who care and will be there for you. You have to reach out and make the initial self-disclosure and let them know. Even those who love you can’t always read your mind. If someone you’ve told hasn’t reacted in a helpful way, tell someone else. Don’t give up. Keep letting people know.
Put on music that makes you want to dance. Even if you don’t think you will like listening to lively music and it seems like too much effort, try it anyway. Music is one of the fastest ways to change your mood.
Send greetings, digitally or by snail mail. Reach out and encourage others, even if they haven’t reached out to you. Try not to keep score or lower yourself to others’ level of functioning. Send out written notes of encouragement and hope. Let others know you are thinking of them, even if you haven’t heard from them in a long time. Even thinking of lifting others up will help your own feelings of gloom.
Get outdoors for at least 30 minuets a day. With the social distancing mandates stay in areas where there aren’t many people. Watch nature. It always changes. The weather, the seasons, the sky, the tides, the moon, the temperature are always dynamic. Remember that even your sad emotions and your isolation will also change.
Keep a gratitude journal. Gratitude is very powerful. Read the research that supports how gratitude changes many negative states in the human mind. If you can only think of a few things to be grateful for, break each of those into 5 subcategories. For instance, if you are grateful for your pet, also list the playfulness, the companionship, the sense of being needed, the entertainment and exercise your pet brings you.
Explore something you have been curious about. Watch a YouTube video and learn a new skill. Learn how to: draw, organize your garage or closet, paint, build something, play the guitar or piano, do origami, yoga, cook, bake, or make a home repair. When you watch a video on a topic you thought you might be interested in, you may even find that there are other activities you may curious about.
Plant something. Work in your yard or plant a pot on your balcony. Watching something grow that you planted can create a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. There is even some research to support that micronutrients in soil may help depression. Plant something that brings you joy, flowers or vegetables.
Laugh out loud every day, as many times as you can. Turn off the news for most of the day and watch comedians, Comedy Central, YouTube humorists, a funny movie or TV show. Be willing to find the humor in things. With enough time, pretty much any event will eventually have a humorous side.
Get enough sleep. Seven to nine hours for adults, nine to ten hours a night for children and teens. If you can’t get that much sleep at night, take naps. Sleep deprivation releases fight or flight chemicals and adds to feelings of distress. Meditate, rest, follow guided imagery videos or listen to breathing exercises on Sound Cloud and other internet sites. Give your body a break from the stress and rejuvenate. Sleep is essential.
Eat throughout the day. Don’t go long periods of time without eating. Eat a little something within a half hour of waking and every three hours throughout the day. The healthier and more low-processed the better. Eating a little protein when you do snack can help maintain your blood sugar as well, easing the mood swings that can accompany blood sugar drops.
Exercise. You knew this one was coming. As boring as it may seem, exercise is one of the best ways to address depression. Find something you like (or at least don’t hate) and start slowly. Even ten or twenty minuets a day can start to make a difference. Having an accountability, like an online personal trainer, can help keep you motivated and focused.
If you have been prescribed medication to treat your depression, be consistent in taking it and don’t go off medications without coordinating with your prescribing physician. If getting your prescriptions is more challenging during the pandemic call your physician and pharmacy for suggestions. Some health insurance companies will help by contacting the prescribing health professional, shipping medications or delivering them to your home.
Be kind to yourself. Some emotions change slowly. Give yourself credit if you notice even temporary elevations in your mood. Compliment yourself if you are able to make small changes. Over time even small changes can have a great effect. You will get through this.
Dr. Lois Nightingale PhD
Psychologist PSY9503
714-993-5343
Are You Experiencing Depression?
Everyone feels “down” sometimes. To feel discouraged or sad sometimes is perfectly normal. Having passing moods of dissatisfaction with life is a normal human condition. To feel grief or sadness during times of loss is expected and understandable. But for 9.4 million Americans feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, despondency, fatigue, isolation and futility have taken control of their lives. One in four women and one in ten men will experience a clinical level of depression at sometime during their lifetime. Even though Depression is a very treatable illness, many sufferers go untreated because they do not recognize the symptoms.
Do you have symptoms of depression?
Note the symptoms you have experiences persistently for two weeks or longer.
Feelings of sadness.
Feeling empty or purposeless.
Persistent feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Irritability.
Loss of interest in friends and family.
Difficulty concentrating or remembering things.
Missing work.
Changes in appetite (either significant weight loss, not from dieting, or weight gain).
Loss of interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy.
Loss of energy, fatigue.
Feelings of worthlessness.
Feelings of inappropriate guilt.
Inability to concentrate or think, indecisiveness.
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide, wishing to die, or attempting suicide (people suffering this symptom should receive treatment immediately!).
Melancholia (defined as overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief) accompanied by waking at least 2 hours earlier than normal in the morning and moving significantly more slowly.
Disturbed thinking, a symptom developed by some severely depressed persons. (For example, severely depressed people sometimes have beliefs not based in reality about physical disease, sinfulness, or poverty.)
Physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach aches body pains and aches.
If you or someone you know has had four or more of these symptoms continually for more than two weeks, professional help should be sought.
Depression is highly treatable, between 80 and 90 percent of all depressed people respond to treatment and nearly all depressed people who receive treatment see at least some relief from their symptoms. Cognitive/behavioral therapy, which addresses the belief systems held by the depressed person is highly successful. As is Interpersonal Psychotherapy which focuses on how a person relates to others. Both of these types of therapy have been scientifically researched and shown to be effective in the treatment of depression.
If you know of someone who may be depressed it is important to help her or him learn more about this illness and look into treatment. Severe depression can lead to thoughts of hopelessness and despondency that may lead to thoughts of suicide. Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in our country; it is the third leading cause of death in young people aged 15 to 24. Every day 15 young people in this age range kill themselves. One of the best strategies to prevent suicide is early recognition and treatment of depression.
Depression can occur at any age. Women who have just given birth are at higher risk (this form of depression is known as Postpartum Depression). Elderly people may be depressed but their symptoms go unnoticed because they are attributed to the slowing down of old age.
Depression is a successfully treated illness. Psychologists treat it with psychotherapies such as Cognitive/behavioral and Interpersonal Therapies. Psychiatrist treat people with highly effective medications that work in the brain to increase the nuerotransmitters which help the electro/chemical function of the brain and relieve depression. There are also many helpful books such as, Happiness Is a Choice: The Symptoms, Causes and Cures of Depression, by Frank Minirth and Paul Meier, and When Living Hurts: Directives for Treating Depression by Michael Yapko.
Information on depression and its treatment are available through the Nightingale Center. To make an appointment please call 714-993-5343.
This site contains general information and is not intended as a substitute for therapeutic intervention, professional diagnosis by a licensed mental health professional or for consulting your physician. If you are experiencing an emergency situation please call 911 or go to your local emergency room for intervention and treatment.
For further reading on this topic you can find Mind Over Mood, by Geenberger and Padesky and The Depression Workbook, a Guide for Living with Depression and Manic Depression, by Copeland and London.